InterGalactic Adventures’ spokesperson Woot Woot Barney today denounced as ‘mere speculation’ reports that their agents booked holiday tourists onto a planet where creatures higher up the food chain were holding an Iron Chef Competition.
“They were the chefs,” Bubba Knight accuses, “and we were the ingredients.”
This reporter stared at the veteran traveler as he leaned noticeably to the left in the saddle atop his Merino sheep.
“What happened?” I asked.
“It was horrible. Some of us followed signs marked ‘Good Food’ into a wood. We were jumped by bug eyed monsters wearing chef’s hats & carrying cleavers. They slaughtered several people I knew and popped them into open ovens. Then they danced around adding spices and chanting, ‘Kick-it-up-a-notch.’
“They chased me,” Bubba said, “Yelling, ‘Get that one! He’s already half baked.'” The big man shifted uncomfortably in his saddle, leaned left again and fixed me with his steely eyes. “I can show you proof,” he said. Bubba looked around carefully. Then he dismounted and mooned me.
OMG! His left buttock was missing!
“They almost got me,” he said. “It was real close, I tell you.”
But IGA spokesperson Woot Woot, even when confronted with this eye witness testimony, dismissed it derisively, “Well, that evidence is half-arsed, ain’t it?”
– GD Deckard, Intrepid Reporter